Has it really been that long since I’ve posted to this blog? Shit…
You know, looking at all the many sexual things you can find on the internet these days, that whole Led Zeppelin shark-in-the-groupie’s-pussy-story doesn’t seem quite so shocking, does it?
We’re not much closer to making mustard than we were a week ago. I now have a small food processor that’s all lined up and ready to use — I have two bags of whole mustard seeds, one brown and one yellow, ordered from Ebay but I haven’t taken delivery on them yet.
I have a group of friends who are anxious to try the homemade garlic and cracked black pepper mustard, and another group of friends who think I’ve lost my mind and should just go to the grocery store.
Go please the world.
Stiff competition in the adultfyi.com football pool this year, folks. I went 14-2 for the first week, which I felt was a perfectly respectable record for Week #1, but it only earned me a spot at #2 — and tied for #2, at that.
Shit.
Add that to USC not covering the spread, and you have a thoroughly irritating week as far as the football games went. We’ll hope for better results this coming weekend.
My buddy Mike South — currently out of the country for a month on official business — feels that football is an exercise in homoeroticism. This, from a guy who makes his living by shooting groups of naked men jerking off on women’s faces.
I’ve decided to represent Ohio in the AdultFYI.com football pool this year. I’ve done it the past few years — finished miserably two years ago, tied for third place last year after leading the pack for several weeks — but this year Gene was thrown a new wrinkle at us.
There’s money on the line now.
I have no idea how much we’re playing for, but I know what the buy-in was, and we’re looking at a substantial amount of money. So here are my picks for Week One.
Pittsburgh
Atlanta
Baltimore
Philadelphia
Denver
Minnesota
Houston
Indianapolis
New Orleans
Dallas
Arizona
NY Giants
Seattle
Green Bay
New England
San Diego
Let’s talk about mustard.
I’m a passionate person. Passionate about alot of things…my wife, the people I love, my work, good hot chili, Joe Jackson, books, Salvador Dali, Miles Davis’s early 70’s fusion albums, Harlan Ellison, Bruce Cockburn, films by David Cronenberg, Stanley Kubrick and David Lynch.
This week I’ve discovered I have a new passion — mustard.
Now, making mustard isn’t something I’ve ever done before, although I’ve always wanted to try it. I love to cook, and when Felicia and I were living in Los Angeles our neighbor Beth was a wonderful cook who made her own mustard, along with the most fantastic quiches you’ve ever tried. She also had a lemon tree which grew between her house and the house we were renting, and I used to pick fresh lemons off her tree and make lemon pepper chicken, but that’s a different story.
[Beth is a great lady and a good friend whom we miss terribly. She appeared in a XXX film with us once, but she wasn’t having sex or anything like that — she played my wife in a hilarious fantasy sequence in the film “KSEX 1: Sexual Frequency” from Adam & Eve. She did a hell of a job, too.]
But anyway, back to mustard — I’ve decided I want to make my own homemade mustard, put it in little jars and give it to my friends. Cooking with love and all that, you know — when you have good friends in your life, you try to do nice things for them, and I’ve decided to spoil my friends with the dubious gift of some homemade mustard. Roasted garlic mustard with cracked black pepper, to be more precise. I may also try a cajun style mustard, but I think I’m going to do the garlic one first and see how that turns out.
Making mustard, I’m learning, is much more complicated than one might think. I’ve picked up several books on the subject over the past week — yes, I actually made a trip downtown to the main branch of the Dayton Public Library, sat down at the catalog computer and typed the word “mustard” into the search engine. I then checked out “The Mustard Book” by Jan Roberts-Dominguez and began formulating my plans. I read through the book, found several recipes that I thought sounded good, combined those withe a few I found online, and then made plans to adapt the whole deal with a personal spin so that it would be unique.
Step two, where we are now, is buying the whole dried mustard seeds. After making some phone calls, I have a trip to the Dorothy Lane Market planned for tomorrow, so I can buy a nice selection of white and brown mustard seeds. As I understand it, the brown ones are a bit more pungent and spicy, so you combine them in various combinations along with other ingredients to get the level of spiciness you want.
After buying the mustard seeds, you have to bring them home and soak them for 48 hours before you start grinding them in the food processor.
More tomorrow from the mustard front — stay tuned.
A federal judge ruled in favor of author J.D. Salinger on Tuesday. The case had Salinger requesting an injunction to prohibit the U.S. publication of a book by a Swedish writer, Fredrik Colting. The book features a character that is supposed to be an older Holden Caulfield, who was the main character in Salinger’s famous novel “Catcher in the Rye”.
I was glad to see Salinger win this one. The man, who is as famous for avoiding reporters as he is for his writing, deserves to be left alone at this point.
It seems strange to me, as this is usually a slow season for our peculiar little industry, but business has been good lately at the Flamingo Showclub.
I can’t explain it — lots of people coming in, both new faces and old friends, and everyone drinking and enjoying themselves. It’s nice, though unexpected, and I’m not the only one who’s noticed. The owner of the club down the street, with whom I traveled to Columbus this past week for a meeting, mentioned to me in the car that he’s never seen a club rally the way ours has over the course of the past several months.
While his claim that the Flamingo was on the ropes a few months ago isn’t 100% accurate, it is true that we’ve seen a nice upswing in attendance recently — and with the economic uncertainty going on these days in Dayton specifically, and in the state of Ohio and the country as a whole, it’s nice to know there are people out there who still want to get out and spend a few dollars and have a good time with us.
I was in Speedway today, getting ready to pay for my gas, when I saw this total goofball standing in line. The guy was probably mid-40’s, with long grey hair pulled back in a ponytail, an Iron Maiden t-shirt and a pair of old blue jeans with one of the knees blown out. To make matters worse, he was wearing Chuck Taylors and singing Soundgarden’s “Spoonman” to himself while he waited, thereby revealing himself to be a complete and utter dork. “How pathetic,” I thought to myself. “This guy needs a total makeover.”
Then I realized I was looking in a mirror.
“If roses were made of rubber, but still smelled like roses, then that’s what some women would smell like.”
This is what a very good friend of mine, a dancer, advised me when discussing the environment when she was going down on a woman over the Memorial Day holiday.
